Melancholic Spirits

With an air of melancholy & the sorrow in the grass, those lost spirits roam around, holding to that unforgettable woe till time has its last tick

As I type, a song so slow, yet so blue which sets these vulnerable tears streaming down my chin, is playing through my earplugs. The train of thoughts went rushing through a part of my hollow mind. I fathom that those souls who have died from suicidal, they really did not die from that. They ceased their life from such great sadness they have been caging.

Paid my condolence to their grieving loved ones, taking each step to accept what they have loss. Often those died from mutual problems, were the ones who hold to such a heavy dejection. Controlling your own sentiments can be so difficult. I have gone through that countless of times. At times, I did manage. But at times, I will lose my balance & I will fall so terribly, which gave me such an impact to break down to tears. Like a lost child, did not know who to approach, seeing that the whole world is vehemently against me for being who I am.

Other cases, like having too many obstacles at one go - You have loss the one so precious to you, at the same time, you are doing your very best to find what you have loss in yourself & wanting to gradually let that dreadful past go. But with one problem newly born, you did not get hold of everything & instead, you let it all drop down on you which gave an unbearable agony. How can you have so much strength just to get through it all? The ones who never fail to be there for you can never utterly understand the state you are in, & they can never replace you just to kill the remaining you can hardly handle. You are all on your own with such strong emotional support given by your exquisite angels, you still feel like it is never enough till this battle is officially done.

It is all about you, never them. If you could ace it through, the sound of birds chirping coming from nowhere will begin, & that will be a reassurance of a winning battle, which is now over.

Oh, I feel so helpless, to watch my beloved brother to be in so much pain. The very least I could do is to be there for him, emotionally & physically which will never be enough. I am willing to pay millions just to see you smile, but even millions will never be enough to see just a slight smile coming from that sweet face of yours.

Nevertheless, I am & will always be here for you. I will be on that front seat just to accompany your sorrow, & watch you let those dying tears go. You have your lover to love & to receive love from him. He is on top of your universe. You have slowly change, never stop even when new problems are starting to develop, it is a part & parcel of life. God will never give you things you can never handle, unless you are the one who let yourself down by merely following your foolish heart.

I strongly believe that a part of you can convey each & every of those pile & throw them away, one by one. Do not mutilate yourself, do not let me down. I can not afford to lose you & remind yourselves not to let your loved ones down, especially me, if you were to end your life without even giving any second thought. You are the only one that teaches my weak heart how to beat. Losing you will cease this heartbeat. I have seen your deepest flaws, I have seen every part of your physique, your distinct cuts before it was left as scars now. You are still the man I know & love whom I defined as, beautiful.

Just remember that God needs him, hence he has to go any sooner or later. He will need us too someday, however that time will come when it is due. I love you so much, & I can never depict this with words for my love I hold so tenderly just for you & only you. I am clasping both of my hands tightly, hoping that He will give you a shed of light to your journey. I am just so afraid.

Hoping that the ones who have lost someone so precious to them, will get back on their feet & move along.