Sheathe

As I gradually sheathe myself, the ambiance started to darken, the eyes can no longer caught sight of the cruel world. Once purely mutated, I will unfurl myself, never going to let the eyes have a glimpse of the past

Walked through the path whilst looking down, holding a heart so downright heavy. The tears can never stop running away from these eyes of mine. An imperceptible mirror slowly loomed. I took a closer look, & with just a blink of an eye, I see myself in nudity. My hands suppressed around this macilent body with such distinct scars. Insecurity now has developed.

Words from various beings noticing my physique echoed through the mind. It took me down utterly. The inner goddess rolled his eyes. He disregards whatever those walking mirrors have shown & gave a subtle smirk, " You do not open your eyes every day to hear such criticism. Keep on living your life & have a spark of hope that there might be a man out there who loves you regardless of your flaws. "

Trying to be reassured whilst pushing the negativity away. Subconscious in me uttered a word, " Mutation ". I held my head up abruptly & set it into deliberation. The inner demon stomped his blood red trident loudly on the hard ground, making himself conspicuous with such a vengeful concept in mind, drawing such a grimace on his face. Been neglecting the dark side ever since life has taught me such valuable lessons.

I will not remodel myself hastily, nevertheless I will make it subtle, inch by inch not to disfigure the mind & personality - let that be maintained. So I hope, from there, strangers will see me in a different light. And hopefully, my confidence level will outshine spontaneously.

Let us just wait & see what the vivid future might bring me.

Vulnerable

And during random nights, this heart will spontaneously open himself where he becomes conquerable to the cold darkness which will leave him, vulnerable

" How I wish we have not met. How I wish I will not have to go through this pain during times when I am left all alone. I have nothing, now. And all I feel is this gloom. Is there a way for me to not love you? Will you teach me how to forget you just like how you have taught me to love? "

The thoughts echoed through my mind as I breathe with the help of this cigarette. I have been trying to quit but every time I almost reached to that finish line, there will always be something that is going to pull me back to the starting point.

Only songs from Evanescence can regain this equilibrium of mine after the emotions have tore down every piece of my heart. Then again, come to think of it. I think it is best to have feelings like this once in a while rather than shedding tears every single night.

I am tired, mentally drain out. I do not know how to react to such things. I guess, I am numb, for now. Men have been giving me headaches after frequently asking me the same nonsensical question, which I did block them eventually. However, the annoyance does not ceased as more & more come barging in.

It seems so ironic when a number of them wanted something more, other than the typical ones who wanted that come & go basis, & here I go, not having the interest. But when I seek for one, you can see from your ambiance that only the crickets are singing. I am still skeptical with men & I hope one will clear those doubts away some day.

For now, I mainly focus on my pathetic career as a civil-servant & the ones I dote. Nevertheless, I am happy to attend to work as my colleagues are all very humane, though they can be quite mischievous at times. I am still not used to the 12-hour shift work - my current roster. Due to that, I have dark circles & distinct eye bags. Oh well, it is not like as if I am attracting any man in the first place.

If only I can get away from everything, for maybe a week just to be back up on my feet again. I miss the sandy beach, the glaring sunset, the crashing waves & the wind. The nature is my remedy to calm myself. To set everything free. I am just too hectic now that I hardly find time for myself.

Every day, is a challenge for me. And for once, I do not want to be strong, just this once.