Intricate life

Slowly taking another step to my intricate life while conveying this heavy affliction caused by the people who are greatly against me

Feel the whole world bringing me down. Trying my best to get back up on my feet but the ghostly hands around me are pulling me to the hard ground, yet my subconscious is screaming at me, demanding me to not follow my weakness. I can never tolerate with pressure. A single drop could make my knees shiver. I have been such a weakling these few days. Such drama had transpired with a heavy load of dismay. 

Everything occurred hastily with a blink of an eye. Much anticipation were brought in but it got beyond to that point where I almost lost my breath for a few good seconds. Uncountable tears dripped down my chin through the appalling scenario. My knees felt so weak, I do not know if I could stand any longer on that period of time. 

My mind, heart & soul were all weeping for God, to give them some strength, for this unbearable test he has given. The prayers were granted with some warmth hugs, solacing me, " Everything will be fine. " Tears being wiped away from my cheeks by these 2 lovely souls who never fail to bring me up, Jaselin (someone who regards me as her dear brother) & Dudy (my beloved elder brother). 

They caress me & gave ourselves a long tenderly group hug. I feel so much love from these exquisite angels that God has given me. How I wish I could give them something so wonderful like the vivid sky but a simple prayer for their safety was all I could give. 

I can not delineate how grateful I am to have them in my life. So tomorrow will be the day I have to head back to camp. The day where my nightmare will start to linger again. 

Various questions will be given to me that is for sure as they will remained tentative without hearing my explanation. Though I presumed they somewhat know what had happened from the words of someone intimidating who had slap me with such remarkable assumptions. 

It is up to them to believe from how they judge through both side of the stories but I will just articulate to them from what had transpired. It is rather pointless to stand on my ground when particularly someone is indirectly telling me to agree to whatever they say. I will never stop being tenacious when I feel that whatever they have judge me is not pertinent to the facts of my character. 

I just do not want anyone to have that wrong perception about me, anymore. But if ever that occurs, I will just prove to them that their judgement are mostly at false by being the true definition of myself.

Book

Your empty mind will wander off while your eyes are so intense, perusing word by word, without knowing what are your surroundings, trying your best to fathom the moral of the story beneath the cover of the mystical book

January has ceased & February has arrived. Here I am at home, with a hollow mind, sprawling in bed, trying to bide with these swelling gums due to the surgery I had undergone last 2 days. They have removed all my wisdom teeth, & now my cheeks are as round as ever. You can tell that I look like a hamster filled with a variety of nuts inside my mouth.

I am hoping that my gums will convalesce soon enough cause I do not want to spend my time, trying to eat my food warily, not wanting to induce pain. I really want to enjoy my time eating happily. The best part is that I can not even smoke or the recuperating process will turn out wrong.

As time ticked slowly, I have been spending my time, perusing this particular book. I can not delineate to you how exquisite the book can be. The way it was depict to be so explicit, it really amazed me. With an inquisitive mind, I can not let my hands off the book, 50 Shades Of Grey. It is a well-known book for bondage. How this literature student, Anastasia Steele changed a successful entrepreneur's life, Christian Grey. As they embark on a passionate love affair.

I am almost done with the book, just half-way there. That is the only diversion from all the tedious time I have to go through, ruminating on the things that will place myself in a perturb situation. For once, I can let myself away just by reading a book, & not stressing myself with the reality.

Being a civil servant is manageable, though mischievous guys here & there will come tease you. I do not want to succumb myself into someone who is amorous. Though their physical features are so hard to let me comply to the rules.

It has been more than a month now I have gone through such activities in the camp, all the perspire quite paid it off. Dramas here & there. Though it was suppressed, one still can never stop being so conspicuous after talking things out. I see it was rather pointless. Now, my main focus is to go through the torment in camp. 4 more months to pass out parade.

Giving myself a sidetrack, I have yet to meet Shane. He told me that he would only be free from March onward. I have been very patient, & I will still continue holding on. Call me tenacious, but nothing can ever turn my decision in the opposite direction. I am doing my very best to prove to him that as time flies way above me, people change, I change.

I understand that he is very hectic with his career, likewise I have my own life to settle. I just want to let myself be wrapped around his arms. I miss his vehement love. Penetrating deeply into his luminous hazel eyes, involuntary feeling secure with his sweet presence. My brother is going through a dating session with someone whom I can define as somewhat charming. Hopefully, that particular guy he is dating with will articulately give him that pure affection he deserves even after knowing his imperfect flaws. Just do not be hasty & make precipitate decision or things will be placed out of hand.

Giving myself the very least anticipation. Only a faint of hope, let this feelings between us develop. No words beneath this breath of mine any longer. Now it is time to wave goodbye. Till we meet again.